Preface: My Little Pony. I'm a fan of FiM, but I never watched the original as a kid. Might give it a go actually. My DBZ comparison is actually pretty apt when you watch the pilot episode I talk about. Near the end of it, shit gets raw son!
Original Post: July '12
Okay, so it’s balls hot right now in the Central
Valley and I’m doing whatever I can to forget the fact that I can’t
afford to use the AC. On a whim, I decided to check out the original My
Little Pony pilot Rescue at Midnight Castle.
Holy balls, this show is fucking dark people!
I’m mean, look at this motherfucker! He’s centaur Satan!
Okay, so this whole episode revolves around the fact that this shithead is using a fucking dragon army (they’re called something else for plot reasons) to assault and kidnap a shitload of ponies. In response, the ponies send out one of their own to find a champion to fight on their side. Already, the stakes are higher than anything we’ve seen from Friendship is Magic. This is a bad guy that doesn’t fuck around. Don’t believe me? Check this shit out.
So this dude - whose name is Tirek - has a lackey he sends out to oversee these raids. First off, he’s doing all this cause he needs four of the ponies to turn them into dragons that he can then use to drive his chariot of evil. It sounds…silly, yeah, but we’ll get back to that. Anyway, the lackey’s this ugly winged mofo named Scorpan, who has his own lackey…a baby dragon named Spike. So yeah, this is where Spike began. Spike kinda latches on to the winged mofo bugging him about going on the raid with him, like that lil dog from those old Warner Bros. cartoons…
Ironically, I think the big one's named Spike.
Yeah, yeah, that yellow dog. Anyway, Scorpan just shrugs him off and throughout the show, I’m getting this funny vibe from the guy. He’s bad at grabbing the ponies like any true 80’s cartoon lackey, but he just really doesn’t seem to be into the spirit of things either and I got the impression that if he’d had a choice, he’d much rather be somewhere else. At first, I’d assumed I was just projecting character development on the dude, but it turns out the show had the same idea because Tirek calls him out on his poor performance record nabbing these fillies. Let me quote what he says:
“If by midnight my chariot does not roll, then the head of your little friend will!”
…
Oh yeah, that’s right. He just threatened to behead a child! I think we can safely assume shit has gotten real up in this bitch. But that’s just dialogue. It gets really fucked up when you see the shit this guy does.
Now remember when I talked about why he was grabbing all these ponies? It was to turn ‘em into dragons. Now think about that for a moment. When all’s said and done, being turned from one animal into another is kinda…fucking horrible.
Your mother warned you what would happen, but you didn't listen.
You’d think this show, being what it is, might shy away from this uncomfortable idea, but fuck no! Dude opens up his bag of whup ass (which he calls the Rainbow of Darkness) and it plows into G1 Applejack, turning her into a big roaring dragon and you can see during the process that it actually lights her on fire! Goddamn show! That’s…that’s fucking brutal!
It all ends with Tirak getting hit with the ponies Rainbow of Death. Not exaggerating either. This shit wraps around him, creates a fucking tornado that rips the earth asunder like it’s fucking Ragnarok and straight up obliterates him! It’s straight out of Dragonball Z…but with rainbows.
So yeah…don’t fuck with G1 ponies!
Holy balls, this show is fucking dark people!
I’m mean, look at this motherfucker! He’s centaur Satan!
Okay, so this whole episode revolves around the fact that this shithead is using a fucking dragon army (they’re called something else for plot reasons) to assault and kidnap a shitload of ponies. In response, the ponies send out one of their own to find a champion to fight on their side. Already, the stakes are higher than anything we’ve seen from Friendship is Magic. This is a bad guy that doesn’t fuck around. Don’t believe me? Check this shit out.
So this dude - whose name is Tirek - has a lackey he sends out to oversee these raids. First off, he’s doing all this cause he needs four of the ponies to turn them into dragons that he can then use to drive his chariot of evil. It sounds…silly, yeah, but we’ll get back to that. Anyway, the lackey’s this ugly winged mofo named Scorpan, who has his own lackey…a baby dragon named Spike. So yeah, this is where Spike began. Spike kinda latches on to the winged mofo bugging him about going on the raid with him, like that lil dog from those old Warner Bros. cartoons…
Ironically, I think the big one's named Spike.
Yeah, yeah, that yellow dog. Anyway, Scorpan just shrugs him off and throughout the show, I’m getting this funny vibe from the guy. He’s bad at grabbing the ponies like any true 80’s cartoon lackey, but he just really doesn’t seem to be into the spirit of things either and I got the impression that if he’d had a choice, he’d much rather be somewhere else. At first, I’d assumed I was just projecting character development on the dude, but it turns out the show had the same idea because Tirek calls him out on his poor performance record nabbing these fillies. Let me quote what he says:
“If by midnight my chariot does not roll, then the head of your little friend will!”
…
Oh yeah, that’s right. He just threatened to behead a child! I think we can safely assume shit has gotten real up in this bitch. But that’s just dialogue. It gets really fucked up when you see the shit this guy does.
Now remember when I talked about why he was grabbing all these ponies? It was to turn ‘em into dragons. Now think about that for a moment. When all’s said and done, being turned from one animal into another is kinda…fucking horrible.
Your mother warned you what would happen, but you didn't listen.
You’d think this show, being what it is, might shy away from this uncomfortable idea, but fuck no! Dude opens up his bag of whup ass (which he calls the Rainbow of Darkness) and it plows into G1 Applejack, turning her into a big roaring dragon and you can see during the process that it actually lights her on fire! Goddamn show! That’s…that’s fucking brutal!
It all ends with Tirak getting hit with the ponies Rainbow of Death. Not exaggerating either. This shit wraps around him, creates a fucking tornado that rips the earth asunder like it’s fucking Ragnarok and straight up obliterates him! It’s straight out of Dragonball Z…but with rainbows.
So yeah…don’t fuck with G1 ponies!
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